There are a number of things I want RIGHT. NOW.

1. A bike. Preferably, a turquoise one that I can put stickers on. A 1980s Schwinn, like the one I almost bought off of Craigslist if the seller hadn’t been so douchey, would be ace. I would also like a place to store that bike that is not my bedroom. (The unrideable bike that’s currently in there has fallen twice, bruising my shoulder and breaking a drying rack.)

2. A pool that is nearby and free and without kids. Actually, since this is a wish list, I’ll specify a pool without people.

3. The wherewithal and counter space to make an endless supply of iced coffee. Or a faucet in my kitchen that supplies iced coffee.

4. Skin with built-in sunscreen, SPF 100,000.

5. A MacBook that warms your lap in the winter, but cools it in the summer.

6. A porch, a tree, and a book.

7. Either a zit-free face, or a zit scar-free face, or good coverup makeup that doesn’t sweat off. I’m not picky.

8. Perpetually clean sheets.

9. To wear a sports bra and only a sports bra in public to be socially acceptable and free of harassment.

10. For everyone in the world to be pro-choice and proud, dammit.

Post script: It is currently 93 degrees.

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