I read Cosmopolitan yesterday. I know!

The background is that I was at work and I had clocked out and I was waiting for my manager to finish up so that I could take her home, and we receive all sorts of trashy magazines because we’re a clinic.

I wish I had written a list of ridiculousness or that I had borrowed the magazine and scanned pages at home. I haven’t seriously read that sort of magazine since early in my college career, and even then, it was Glamour because at the time, it was the most feminist of the non-feminist magazines. But let me tell you, Cosmo suggests using your thong as a ponytail holder because it will drive your man wild. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to find a link. A THONG in your HAIR. It even provided a guide to folding the thong properly for the best scrunchie-style accessory. I don’t wear thongs and I don’t have long hair, but even if for some reason, I did, I cannot conceive of putting underpants in my hair. And if I were with someone who did that, I’m pretty sure my snorting laughter would effectively ruin whatever mood there was.

There was also a two page spread of photos and categories to use for the game Shun, Shag, or Marry. I’ve played the same game by the name of Fuck, Marry, Kill at a drug rep-sponsored dinner because that’s what feminists do at fancy restaurants. It’s best when you use celebrities like Judge Judy, Judge Mills Lane, and Judge Joe Brown. I don’t even know who half of the celebrities (all male) were in Cosmo’s game, but they’re gross. I’m supposed to find THIS attractive?! (There were worse, but I can’t remember any of the names and I’m getting embarrassed because I’m in public and I don’t want people to think I’m seriously perusing the Cosmo website.)

And then there was the blurb that told me that when I go out to eat with my friends, I’m probably consuming waaaay more calories than I think I am, so next time someone invites me out to eat, I should decline and suggest that we stay in and eat crackers. I’ve been there, actually, and it’s called ANOREXIA. Damn right, I eat more calories at restaurants, because that food is good, and I like eating with my friends.

In other, more uplifting magazine news, the other day, I bought Out magazine because the previous issue had a story by T. Cooper (whom I adore) on the U.S.’s most prominent sexual reassignment surgeon, and the cashier commented, “I read that article about trans people. I never knew it was so common, but it was really interesting!” I have a history of positive interactions with the staff at that store (conversations about where I work and praise from a 20-something guy, someone who remembered seeing me at GSU 2 years ago, and the woman who always says, “I haven’t seen you here in a while! How have you been?”), and so, I launched into telling her that my clinic just hosted the Robert Eads Health Project, and the cashier was so interested and supportive. It warmed the cockles of my trans ally heart.