I need to have a plan B in mind. It makes me feel comfortable and in control. I love my job and I’ve been there years longer than I planned to be, and I know I’m appreciated, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about the WHAT IFS. What if I lost my job? I have a degree in English that I haven’t used professionally in years, and I’m proficient in Spanish, but not good enough to call myself fluent and not certified other than a “Spanish minor” designation on my transcripts. I assist doctors, perform lab tests, sterilize instruments, do pathology, and monitor vitals, but I’m not actually a medical assistant. I counsel with on-the-job training that wouldn’t transfer and doesn’t equal a masters degree. I also have the word “abortion” on my resume, which is probably some kind of red alert word that signals someone to toss it in the trash.

I really don’t expect to lose my job, and I’m actually confident with my abilities, even though I don’t have the accreditation to back them up. But just in case, just for fun and/or anxiety, I think about the other possibilities. What would I do in a pinch? I’ll be honest, as a 20-something woman with a decent body, stripping comes to mind. A stripper client once told me that her entire cash payment ($500+) came from one night of dancing and she heartily recommended it to me. And I know a tiny bit about sex work in general. But goodness gracious, I would be terrible in that line of work. I’m too awkward and too selectively inhibited and too “I’m all about sex-positivity and sex workers’ rights for people who are into that, but I AM NOT INTO THAT.”

I’d say I would consider Starbucks because I like coffee and I like health insurance and I totally have kinda geeky glasses and a liberal arts education, but I don’t like corporate coffee (except for $1 coffees at Caribou on Mondays. Getting excited already. It’s under 12 hours away.) and I know that the barista world isn’t for sissies, and I would probably be a sissy and my expertise would begin and end with drip coffee. Or maybe even instant coffee.

But what I would do, and I don’t even know what kind of market there is for this, is drive a truck. I absolutely would. I love driving and I love solitude and I would love to drive a large vehicle, I think. (I say this as the owner of a Honda Civic, so take me with a grain of salt.) I’m not sure if my short legs would reach the pedals or if I would develop a heart problem from the caffeine I would require or if I would have the patience and/or fortitude for the sexism that’s probably involved. But I would paint my cab turquoise and put the Feministing logo on my mudflaps. I’ve seen trucks that have asinine “pro-life” slogans printed on them, so of course I would have a pro-choice one or two. I would blog from the road and knit at night and it would be just like “Cross Country USA.” Did anyone else play that in their middle school’s computer lab back in the day? Actually, I might just track down that game and we can play it when I swing through your town and park my rig in your yard for a couple of days.

Advertisements